And so it began ...

September 2004

Today ... my first day of tap dancing lessons.

After seeing Jayka, my partners daughter's tap recital, I became inspired to take lessons. I suppose I had a preconceived idea on how everything would go. When I was a kid, I was constantly pretending to tap dance, making clicking noises with my mouth to try and match my foot movements, it would be easy, just like that... hmmmmm

Lets just say that a good tap dancer makes it looks easy, they move so quickly and with ease and grace, at the same time making beautiful music with their feet. Ya, I could do that.

HA! easier said than done.

I learned that tap was an entirely new language in itself..
Shuffles, steps, ball changes, grapevines, brushes, hops, leaps, drawbacks, digs, cramprolls, Cincinatti's. pullbacks, Maxie Fords, and the list goes on and on..

So, take all of those, combine them with two feet and you have literally thousands and thousands of unlimited combination that are to this day, still being discovered. I had no idea what I was in for.

The first year was a challenge, but the class was amazing, I met some pretty great people all on the same level as myself, so we all were like newborn colts learning to walk, with the same grace I am sure.

The second year was advance beginner, (accent on the beginner). In this class, Mika our instructor and choreographer, put together a number to Wilson Picketts classic motown hit, "Do you love me " a song I love and grew up on. I especially liked the lyrics ...nowwww that I can daaance, Watch me now ! I then made the first real commitment, buying my own shoes. You buy your first pair of shoes when you start tapping and tappers look at each other and nod, so as to say, " yup, he's hooked" and I was.

After rehearsing for a year, we were then to perform at the Michael J Fox theatre for the year end show Vancouver Tap puts on. We had our work cut out for us. I became obsessed, as did my fellow fledgling tappers.
I had never performed on stage before, and this was one of my Bucket List things to do.

Usually what happens in a class like this, it starts out with 12 or 13, then people drop out, by the time November rolled around, there were 6. We were driven. Phone calls to each other, writing every step down on paper to follow, flexing muscles in our mind that we never knew we had. I would be at work, and drive people crazy with my feet always on the go, practicing, practicing, practicing.

The year went quickly, but I felt ready. Our first dress rehearsal in front of our peers went ok, but I had made a couple of mistakes and was just mortified, how could it not be perfect ? What was I going to do for the real thing ? People would laugh.. bla bla bla, all the things the adult ego comes up with.

We all felt the same way. Meanwhile, the teenagers around us looked so relaxed , laughing, fooling around, making mistakes, but they didn't seem to care. How could they not take this seriously ? We had so much to learn, on so many levels, this being such an important lesson.

Fellow tappers are the most forgiving and supportive audience, always cheering you on and encouraging, never making you feel small. But adults build up so many layers of fear of failing, apprehensions, etc it takes a long time to shed those fears.

Second and final dress rehearsal at the theatre went fairly well, and I was raring to go.

Then about 4 days before the performance, I started getting really tired at work. The next day I had to go home because I had such a bad headache, I could hardly see. I thought I had a migraine (had never had one) due to stress, overrehearsing etc. But then I started getting really nauseous, continuously throwing up, not eating anything.

Finally, it got so bad I had to go to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with viral meningitis. I was in for quite a ride.They sent me home with some medication, and painkillers but it got worse, and had to go back.. I told them " just give me some morphine and I will be ok, I have to perform tomorrow" I was becoming delirious. They gave me ativan to settle me down, but little did I know, I was allergic to it and had a reaction to the drug which included paranoid psychosis. I thought everyone was trying to kill me. I was Jack Bauer in 24 ! Needless to say, I missed the performance, Mika, my instructor, took my place. It was so last minute, the 28 or 29 loyal and enthusiastic friends that bought tickets, didn't even know I was sick, thats how fast it hit.

So, a year of hard work and study, down the drain.. I was pretty bummed out. It took me months to recover, I never did go back to work, and pretty much had given up on dancing, I became very depressed.

One day, I bumped into Jay, one of the other guys in the tap group. Jay and I had become good buddies during the previous year dancing, but I had kind of lost touch. He told me he was still dancing, and that I should come back and try again.. it was January, so I had already missed 5 months of practice. I said no, but he pushed and pushed, and finally I agreed.

They were doing " Hallejluja " a Ray Charles hit from years ago. I liked the groove of it, and slowly started coming back.

June rolled around, the year end show was coming, and I was getting very nervous. The dress rehearsal was a disaster, I had totally blanked out on a few things and thought, I'm not ready for this. But we were all the same, pretty much terrified. Jay helped me along with phone calls, encouragement, and what to expect on the big night.

I got there, and just freaked. Now I know where the expression " cold feet" comes from. My hands and feet were literally like ice. I couldn't believe it.. how could I ... What was I ... DOING HERE ?? !!

About 10 minutes before we went on, John, the oldest tapper ( 80 years old) and deaf as a post, asked me " How ya doin lad " ? I said.. John, I'm scared shitless ! He said, "what? " I said the same thing, a bit louder so he could hear me, and he said " WHAT ? and I yelled so loud everyone heard " I AM SCARED SHITLESS" alot of heads turned. He gave me the best advice.. he said, listen lad, enjoy this moment, it will go by so quickly, you won't even remember what you did. Just keep your head up, look over the heads of the audience, and smile. and enjoy the moment. Thank you John, you saved my life. He was right, I didn't remember much about that 3 minute and 22 second number, but I did remember the elation I felt after it was over. The audience was great, totally forgiving of mistakes, they didn't care, they were having fun, so I had fun.

We, as adults, take ourselves so seriously. We're so afraid of being embarrassed or looking foolish or not being perfect, so we build up these layers of tension that take a long time to peel away. Well, I'm into year 7 of tap, going into my 5th year end performance, and I'm still peeling ! But now, now I am having so much fun !